Who Made You King/Queen?

You ever hear people say, “Who died and made you King/Queen?”

We could be all biblical and say Jesus…because well, He did die and give power, but that’s not where we’re going with this today.

Who doesn’t want power, a great reputation, lots of followers and people that cheer for you? It’s really rather vain when you think about it, but it’s something to be desired, hmm? And it’s crazy what people will do when they get power, or how they got the power in the first place. It’s really rather simple when you think about it, though, especially with the upcoming election.

Trump, Hilary…they have power because someone thought “Hey, they’re someone I can believe in and they should have this power.” We’re still stunned at how people are choosing to vote, not how the candidates got there. Why? Because people don’t have power until you give them that power. So, it’s essentially our fault.

Yes. You have to take blame for some of it. If something or someone is lording over you…it’s because you’ve given them that place. They don’t have much of anything until you give them the platform to tower over you, or to hold a place to reign over your life. It’s the same for your emotions, your job, your boss, food, your car, etc.

I remember when I used to get so upset over something someone said (shoot! Sometimes that’s still the case.) and it bothered me so much! Like who does he or she think she is? I was popping off at the mouth, rolling my eyes, and my neck was about to shimmy down my arm I was rolling it around so much.

My Mom asked me (because Moms are just boss like that) one day after I was rolling down off my emotional rollercoaster,

“Who has control over you right now? Whose running your emotions? Them or you? Because it looks like they’ve got you and you’ve allowed them that power by letting them control how you react.”

Uh, mom? Where did you get all of your wisdom and where can I get some of that?

Okay. Baby NuNu or Johnathan over there really made me upset. But they only made me upset because I’ve allowed them authority to control my emotions. They are leading me or riling me up to where they wanted because I allowed that to happen.

The weird thing is that you will allow this to happen during your entire day because you feel obligated to put up with certain people and they know they can get away with it. Take for instance, your coworkers because you have to be around them to get your job done. Your boss can use this to his/her advantage because they know you need the money. Your kids can use this against you because you wouldn’t dare try and say or do anything to correct or discipline that cute little face, right? So you allow them to run you ragged and they continue to do so because what are you going to do about it?

Now, some people don’t care. They’re on #TeamSorryNotSorry and are all too down for jumping on the #PettyWagon.

“Let Tonya say something to me, and oh honey.” Or “Damien don’t even know what he just missed. I was about to clock that mousse out of his swirl.”

You know what I’m talking about!

The issue with this is that you can go through life with this attitude, but it distances you from people and you’ll always be on the defensive. You’ll constantly be placing yourself in a position to fire away at the next target before anyone else gets the chance to come for you.

So, where’s the balance?

You need to be able to successfully control you – your emotions, your work, your morals, your deal breakers. Write down the things you know you won’t go for and the things that if someone did,  you would be okay with “losing” that battle to keep your sanity.

“But I don’t want to lose!”

You’re not really losing anything. Think about it. If you jump into something with your emotions on the loose, you’re losing time and effort on a person who wouldn’t give two cents about you. Plus you’re jazzed up and ready to fight or smack somebody down, so you look like crazy. There goes your sanity. If you were trying to be moral, now everyone knows you’re a hood bunny at work.

Think about the opposite. What if you didn’t do anything to play into the game, hmm? You could walk away, go pray, go get some food,etc. What do you end up keeping? Your sanity, your happiness, your peace, your wellbeing, etc.

Write down those deal breakers and know them for yourself. If you need inspiration, think about the things you wouldn’t want to live without. It’s not always monetary, so don’t think that way all the time. But if you were by yourself, with yourself…what things, emotions, your state of mind…what would you want the most?

Then when arguments, fights, disagreements, issues, rants, decisions need to be made you can pull from these deal breakers.

For example: one of my the deal breakers I had for  my wedding is that if my family wasn’t there, I didn’t want it to happen. I could be getting married in bunny slippers and a tube top, but if Momma or Pops wasn’t in the lineup of people who attended, there wasn’t going to be a courthouse wedding, a sitting in the car wedding…point made.

When it comes to my job, I need to be in a place that I can grow. If I start looking for a position and there isn’t room for me to improve or get promoted, I don’t bother. That’s not what I need. Because if I get into that job I know it’ll bother me to know that the good work I’ve done, doesn’t foster a larger pay. This also means that compared to growth, other issues don’t bother me as much or I can handle them for longer if I know I have a promotion at the end of the tunnel.

I’ll give you another example: in high school, when it came to my husband I wanted him to be God fearing and to look good. In my mind, if he knew who God was he had morals I could roll with, he was like-minded, and come on…if he looks good this was like strawberries on cake! But a deal breaker would be that if he were to hit me or to injure/hurt me…that would be it. All deals are off. I don’t care how cute and God fearing you are, you gots to go. You could smell like 8 cans of horse radish and I would still love you, but if you put your hands on me…not sorry, hunty. Get to stepping.

Yeah, the list of things have stepped up to go with new desires, growth, maturity, etc., so know that your deal breakers can change as you do.

You have to set boundaries. Find your balance. Your peace. That way you know what to endure and you know when to be encouraged. You know what you’ll want to be bothered with and fight for, and what can be put in the backseat.

This gives you the power. This puts you in the driver’s seat. Not someone else who gets to dictate to you how you’ll run things or how you feel.

Note: There are some things to keep in mind.

  1. If you’re stuck in a position where you have “standards”, but they’re unrealistic. By unrealistic, we mean that you can’t expect someone else to slide to your standards, if you’re not willing to abide by them yourself. Some people are down for the cause, but it’s unfair to put someone else in a position that you’re not even willing to follow.
  2. It’s also important to note that note, that a bit of wisdom needs to come into play. Know when to be subtle and professional. You wouldn’t yell at your boss on the sales floor to prove a point about your boundaries.
  3. If you’re in an abusive, hurtful, life endangering position, you need to consider getting someone else in the picture to help you make the decision to change. At times, we get on a rat wheel doing the same thing over and over (definition of insanity), yet we’re expecting a different result. Get a third party in the picture who is unbiased and experienced to help you out (whether it be a pastor, a mentor, a highly regarded family member, a professor, resident advisor, etc).
  4. You can’t change anyone on your will alone. People change because they want to change. Not because you cook well, or because you give really good sexual favors.

What are your deal breakers? What things can’t  you stand and what are you willing to put up with? What things have you given power over you and how do you plan to get out of that? Chat with us below and let us in on your Millennial Mania.

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